“Swinging,” in its most common form, is a consensual sexual arrangement in which two or more couples essentially swap partners with each other and have sex, either in couples or otherwise. Rosen shares that most couples who start swinging together begin the lifestyle after having been in their relationship for a while as a way to spice things up and introduce something new into the partnership. “As relationships grow, it’s important to continuously add novelty inside and outside of the bedroom,” she tells Bustle.

In her live video, Paul told her followers that she, her husband, and several other couples were all “intimate” with each other. While she didn’t go into extreme detail, it was implied that there were some sexual elements to these interactions — but she and another mom’s husband went further than the others involved by having fully penetrative sex. In this case, they broke a boundary agreed upon by the entire group, all of whom were close friends. As Rosen explains, swingers can take all different forms. “Some people have lifelong groups of friends that they swing with, while some people have strict rules about only swinging with couples while on vacation with the expectation that they will never see those folks again,” she says.

The key element that separates swinging from other forms of non-monogamy or relationship anarchy is that couples always “swing” together, and often with other couples. In open relationships or ethically non-monogamous styles, most often the partners involved will date or have sex separately from each other.

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You may have heard of partner-swapping, otherwise called swinging, where people swap sexual partners – or couples engage in group sex.

But have you ever heard of ‘soft swinging’?

Soft swinging involves non-penetrative sexual relations outside of a marriage or primary relationship, as opposed to swinging or a ‘full swap’ where two or more couples will exchange partners and have sexual intercourse.

It relies on the basis that you are in a non-monogamous or open relationship where all individuals involved have agreed not to have intercourse with anyone other than the partner within their primary relationship.

People within the swingers community use the term ‘soft’ to explain the act of switching partners to kiss, touch or have oral sex.

Penetrative sex is often idealised in hetero relationships, which could explain why some people refer to any other sexual act outside of full penetration as ‘soft’.


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My pussy squeezes tighter around Anton’s fingers as I lock eyes with an intriguing stranger across the room. He lets his gaze linger on me appreciatively, then smiles and says something to the dark-haired girl whose head is bobbing at his crotch. She turns around to look at us, nodding her approval and moving aside a little so I can see his dick, which is very hard, and shiny-wet from her licking.

“What do you think?” Anton asks me, thumb stroking across my clit to make me wriggle and shiver. “Would you like to play with those two?”

“I’m game if you are,” I say, stretching up so his mouth can find my nipple as I grind down on his fingers a little harder.


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TikTok drama alert! Over the past few days, the world of #MomTok, a niche but popular group of Utah-based, mostly Mormon moms imploded when their de facto ringleader, Taylor Frankie Paul, claimed that she and a group of her besties were swingers. It's a subject matter the TikToker (whose account seems to have been deleted) has joked about before, but it was never clear whether there was truth behind her humor or if she was playing to the (generally false) stereotype of polygamous practices among Mormon communities.

In a TikTok live, Paul decided to address that ambiguity head-on by alleging that she and a group of her friends and their partners have been engaging in "soft swap swinging" but that a boundary was crossed and everything has fallen apart. Names were named then recanted, divorces were announced, and everyone is left wondering what in the hell is actually going on. There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to figuring it out.

What's followed has been a torrent of face-saving posts, explanatory but contradictory live videos, accusations that this entire saga is a made-up ploy to gain views, and no shortage of confusion on what "soft swapping" is - or what upside-down pineapples mean.

No amount of speculation on my part will reveal any new information, and only time will tell whether the story unfolding online right now is real, scripted, or some combination of the two. But as your resident swinger, I can at least provide a little context about what soft swapping really is.

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Introducing our series in partnership with therapy platform Alma. With their network of licensed professionals, we navigate sex and intimacy as it involves mental health and communication.


When a partner says they want to see other people, that doesn’t always entail a breakup. While open relationships may not be the norm for all couples, they have become increasingly common: a 2021 survey conducted by YouGov shows that a quarter of Americans are interested in pursuing an open relationship.

But, actually pursuing one can be complicated — especially if your partner isn’t on the same page as you. Communication is extremely important, both when you’re broaching the subject of opening up the relationship and while you’re maintaining that primary relationship while seeing other people. So, how can you navigate these tricky waters? Here, mental health counselor and psychotherapist Lyndsey Masters shares her expert advice.

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