'Once I got over my school-girl embarrassment, it started to feel incredibly inspiring'
‘So, what do you think?’ said my grinning boyfriend. ‘Fancy a couple of nights there?’ The ‘there’ he was referring to was Cap D’Agde, AKA the world’s biggest naturist and ‘lifestyle’ resort and village situated in the South of France. It might be important to note that in this context lifestyle does absolutely not mean statement vase shopping suggestions and recipes for table-scaped dinner parties. Here lifestyle is a catch-all (pun not intended- safe sex is de rigeur) euphemism for what the French would loftily refer to as being a libertine and we’d go for the less melodic swinger.
To rewind somewhat, we were part way through a month long impromptu European road trip that was an escape from London after a tough few months of family illness and bereavement and the end of a claustrophobic lockdown. Making it up as we went along, we’d driven through Holland, Italy, Switzerland, and France staying a few nights when and where we fancied before ending up in Nice, wondering where to go next. As we sat in a French service station googling nearby resorts, Cap D’Agde came up and buoyed by the escapist feel of the trip we thought we’d stop by for two nights.
Originally created for the non-sexual purpose of naturism, it still boasted family-friendly sans swimsuit beaches and leave-your-layers-at-home bars and shops, but in latter years the swinging and fetish community had arrived and it had, to the dismay of many ‘proper’ naturists, become the kind of place about which Channel 4 would make one of their sex documentaries (dicumentaries?). You know, the ones where they hide identities by using an actor that was last heard providing the voice for Gerry Adams in the early 90s and only showing the side of someone’s nose or popping an animal mask on them? I’d never heard of it before but tbh I love those documentaries and my boyfriend has a laissez faire attitude to being clothed and spends a week a year pretty much starkers at Burning Man. So we thought ‘What the hell’, booked a few nights in a swanky looking hotel on site and set off. If nothing else I could pretend I was Louis Theroux, right?
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Unexpected Life Lessons From A Summer At A Swingers’ Village
Overcoming Stereotypes: Challenging Ageism in the Swinger Lifestyle Community
The swinger lifestyle community is a diverse and vibrant mosaic of people from all walks of life. The ethos of the lifestyle is premised on the freedom to explore one’s sexuality and the mutual consent of involved parties.
Despite this ethos of acceptance, certain stereotypes, particularly those related to age, have subtly seeped into the community. Ageism, a form of discrimination based on age, has significant implications on the experiences of both younger and older members.
This article will delve into the nuanced phenomenon of ageism in the swinger lifestyle community. We aim to shed light on its manifestations, its impacts, and ultimately, strategies that can be used to overcome and challenge these age-related stereotypes.
By building on research, lived experiences, and best practices, we’ll illuminate a path towards a more inclusive, equitable swinger community.
Understanding Ageism in the Swinger Lifestyle Community
Stereotypes in the swinger lifestyle community range from the overt to the more subtly ingrained. Ageism, however, tends to skew towards the latter, making it harder to identify and challenge. This section will elucidate the nature and impact of ageism within the swinger community.
A prevalent stereotype is that the swinger lifestyle is primarily for the young and physically attractive.
This stereotype is often perpetuated by media portrayals that hyper-focus on the youthful demographic, thereby excluding older individuals. Consequently, older swingers may feel invisible, undervalued, or even stigmatized within the community.
Similarly, younger swingers also grapple with age-related prejudices. They may be deemed inexperienced or too immature to engage fully in the lifestyle. Such attitudes can lead to them feeling disempowered, excluded, or patronized. Thus, ageism impacts both ends of the age spectrum, albeit in different ways.
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Swingers: the dos and don'ts of swingers
The word swingers began to sound back in the democratic spring of the '80s, naming some bars and spaces where the exchange of couples was the convening reason. From there it always had its followers, although the physical spaces for contact were supplanted by networks, applications and the virtual world.
Without numbers on the number of couples who practice it or too many clues about it, because it belongs strictly to the private sphere of people, there are, in any case, some steps to follow and particular customs among cultists.
Walter Hugo Ghedin, psychiatrist, psychotherapist and also a sexologist,
explained what are the reasons why a couple decides to open up to the swinger experience: “The opening of couples to swinger, or to other practices that include other people, included in the relationship, occurs fundamentally for venturing out, for experimenting, for explore new ways of having erotic contacts,
That would have to be the goal or the objective", he explained in El Interactivo (Monday to Friday 12 to 14 by http://ciudadano.news).
For the specialist, "just because a couple has conflicts they are not going to look for that kind of opening, because there surely if they had conflicts they are going directly to failure, to the abyss",
and from there comes one of the first key points of this practice: "The couple has to be consolidated, with good sexual encounters between them, as if to say, let's broaden our gaze and the erotic possibilities of sharing with other couples, or including third parties to the relationship.
That is why agreements are needed that have to be very clear."
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Unicorns, threesomes and ‘pegasi’ – Ireland’s swinging community is ‘very active’
Ireland may not have dedicated sex clubs or the fastest-growing swingers’ community – but ‘ethical non-monogamy’ is here to stay.
That's according to ‘Grey’, who was speaking to Lunchtime Live about Ireland's swinging community – where singles and partners in committed relationships engage sexually with others.
Grey has been a member of the swinging community since he was 19-years-old and has watched the swinging community grow and develop in the 19 years since.
"I had an older lady meet me in Copper Face Jacks one night and she took me under her wing," he said, "I was 19, she was 36 – it went from there.
"I'm a single male, I'm active in the scene."
The community
Grey said that in comparison to other European cities, Ireland has a small swinging community.
"I mean, if you think talk about the UK, it's quite massive in the UK," he said.
"There are many clubs and designated venues that you can go to in the UK to enjoy it – the same in Paris and Rome, Barcelona, all over Europe.
"We do have dedicated clubs, but there be more privately run [events] in private residences, so someone might hold a regular event, say once a month, maybe twice a month, but it would be in their private residence.
"There is anything from 18-years-old to, I mean, one of the oldest ladies I met was 75."
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Want to try swinging? Here's a beginner's guide.
Swinging is traditionally defined as couples swapping partners with other couples or consistently bringing other singles to bed.
If polyamory has entered its cultural adolescence, swinging is its elder cousin who has long outgrown the kids table at Thanksgiving. The swinger lifestyle is probably the most normalized form of non-monogamy with its own reality TV shows, all-inclusive resorts, and origin story lore that includes World War II Air Force pilots. And no, the upside-down pineapple thing was not a widespread supermarket swinger symbol, but, yes, at this point it’s become a cheeky, unofficial logo of the lifestyle.
So you and your partner want to be swingers? Here’s a beginner guide for curious couples!
What is swinging?
Swinging is traditionally defined as couples swapping partners with other couples or consistently bringing other singles ('thirds') to bed. Often, swingers seek what they call soft swaps and full swaps. Soft swaps are when you switch partners for sex acts except vaginal and anal penetration. Full swaps are when you go "all the way." Old school swingers would stress that partners are involved in the sex together, but there are many dynamics that include sending your significant other off to fuck other people and hearing about it when they come home.
A discerning characteristic no matter who you ask seems to be romantic exclusivity. Because of this "a lot of people in the swinger community can be judgmental [of polyamory,]" one polyamorist named Brian shared on an episode of my show, The Manwhore Podcast(opens in a new tab). "A lot of them just can’t imagine having feelings outside of their primary relationship."
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