EXCLUSIVE: Sarah found joining the swinger community without a partner 'intimidating' but soon found out single women, known as 'unicorns', are a 'hot commodity' in the lifestyle
A woman has opened up about what it's like being a "unicorn" in the swinger community after joining the sexual lifestyle while single.
After a decade without having sex, Sarah, from Toronto, Canada had become a "sexually frustrated mid-30s woman" who'd always dreamed of having a threesome. In 2019, she finally got tired of waiting for a boyfriend or husband she could experiment sexually with and decided to join the swinger community alone.
While the swinger lifestyle is traditionally considered to be made up of couples who swap partners with other couples, Sarah was surprised to find there were actually lots of other singletons like her too. Speaking exclusively to the Daily Star, Sarah, now 39, said: "That's kind of the old school way of looking at the swinger lifestyle. The new way is there's lots of single people in the lifestyle.
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I was scared being a single swinger – now I've had so many threesomes they're boring
Swingers: Inside the Secret World of Provocative Parties and Couples Who 'Swap'
May 21, 2012 -- Swingers, like polyester leisure suits, seemed to have their heyday in the '70s. But couples who openly swap partners for a night of passionate sex with strangers, are becoming a growing trend in a sort of new sexual relationship revolution -- and those who swing say the rest of us monogamists are missing out.
"Nightline" went inside the top secret world of swingers -- as guests, not participants -- to a highly provocative masquerade party at a hotel in New York City hosted by a group called Behind Closed Doors.
Forget the notion that swingers parties are full of middle-aged folks who are bored stiff by years of marriage. Behind Closed Doors selects its members based on attractiveness and age. The younger the better, and not everyone makes the cut.
The couples said they don't find anything wrong with monogamy, but they were looking for something more exciting and raw.
"Our best sex is with each other," said Sara of Eatontown, N.J., who was at the party with her boyfriend Michael. "We have pretty amazing sex at home when we're alone. When we come here it's a physical attraction, not an emotional attraction."
Michael, a 28-year-old construction worker, and Sara, 24, who works in a doctor's office, have been in a committed relationship for more than a year but they do "full swaps," complete with intercourse, but they refuse to kiss strangers.
"Sex is more of a primal, more of an urge-based," Michael said. "The kissing is more intimate so we like to keep that for us."
National surveys suggest as many as 60 percent of marriages involve cheating. One study conducted by the University of Washington Center for the Study of Health and Risk Behaviors showed that in the last two decades, the number of unfaithful wives under the age of 30 increased by 20 percent and number of unfaithful husbands under 30 increased by 45 percent.
Yet every swinger "Nightline" spoke with said they have a cure for that. They said their relationships are more spicy, more honest and more secure because they swap partners.
"People that are of a certain degree of attractiveness are probably looking to interact and swap partners with other people that are a certain degree of attractiveness so they are a good-looking person," said Nicole Cray, a self-described swing school instructor for Behind Closed Doors. "If you're not a good-looking person, it's probably not the right party for you."
Janel and Stevens of Edgewater, N.J., are both in their 30s and have been together for nearly two years. She manages properties and Stevens is a disc jockey. When they attended Behind Closed Doors' party, they engaged in so-called "soft swapping."
"So we do not engage in penetration," she said. "It's a comfort level. We flirt, we hug, we kiss, but there's nothing much further than that."
Janel said swinging works for her and Stevens because it's something they can do together.
"Think about traditional relationships and how much cheating and lying and deceiving there is how much more disrespectful is it when you do it behind your partner's back," she said. "We're sharing something."
Swingers are part of a change that researchers have noted in younger couples' attitudes toward infidelity in recent years. Younger generations are marrying later, and come to the marriage with habits acquired over years of dating -- among them, sleeping with other partners after the initial attraction wears thin.
Sara and Michael, another couple at the Behind Closed Doors party, said they got into the swinging scene because of a Super Bowl bet they made with each other -- if the Patriots won, Sara earned a threesome with another guy, and if the Giants won, Michael got a threesome with another girl.
"Needless to say the Giants won and I had a week to come up with a girl, found a girl, had an awesome experience and ever since then, every weekend, we've been meeting other couples," Sara said. "We're not the jealous type, but we believe that 'sharing is caring.'"
It usually costs about $200 for a ticket to one of Behind Closed Doors' parties and there's an etiquette involved. Only single women or couples are allowed inside, but no men who are flying solo.
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Swingers confirm secret signal to attract other couples that can lead to very awkward conversations
A pair of swingers have revealed the signal they give out to other couples to invite them into the bedroom. Prepare yourself for the sex-ed you never learnt in school:
Flight attendant Liv and account manager Gage may have been married to one another for 11 years, but that doesn't mean they've been monogamous for the same amount of time too.
Spicing up their relationship by inviting other people into the bedroom with them, the 30 and 31-year-old have revealed the sign they give out to other couples to let them know they're swingers.
A couple has revealed the swingers signal.
It's a sign so innocent it could very much lead to you stumbling into a 'playtime' session you had no intention of joining.
Cruise ship passenger Blogionista Travels certainly found out the hard way.
But what is the secret signal all swingers are aware of which they can subtly flash to one another if they want a raunchy rendezvous?
Prepare to never look at this pretty everyday object the same again.
Pineapples apparently aren't just innocent fruit.
The secret signal? An upside-down pineapple. Liv tells the Sun the motif has 'become big in recent years'.
She explains she wears a gold necklace with a pineapple charm on to 'discreetly' show she's a swinger.
The 30-year-old continues: "That’s usually code that they are into the lifestyle, although you have to be careful how you ask.
"But on a recent holiday in Cancun, Mexico, there was a woman in a full-on pineapple dress with pineapple shorts and a pineapple shirt, so they were obviously into it."
Liv wears a pineapple necklace to signal she's a swinger.
However, sometimes the subtle sign can prove a little too subtle and lead to awkward run-ins.
Gage notes if you see an upside-down pineapple in someone's shopping basket, it could be more accidental than a sign of a fellow swinger.
To check? Gage explains: "You can ask them, ‘Are you in the lifestyle?’ But if they look confused then you say, ‘Ignore me!’ and run.
"Another sign is a black wedding ring on your right hand."
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How Can I Go To An Orgy If I’m Allergic To Beeswax?
Q: Kristin has an interesting question for The Cooper and Anthony Show about orgies and chapstick because she’s allergic to bees and beeswax. She’s worried that at her first swingers party there will be people there who have used beeswax products like chapstick. So how will she deal with an orgy situation since she can’t kiss anyone or receive oral sex if they are wearing chapstick or any kind of lip products that contains beeswax. How does she deal with this?
A: Our Dr. Cooper has been to her share of sex parties. She, of course, had an answer. She said: Sex parties and orgies aren’t like in the movies where its just piles of people having sex with each other indiscriminately and you just jump in like its double dutch jump rope. Not even close.
CONSENT IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY AT ORGIES
People approach each other, and they get verbal consent, it’s the NUMBER ONE rule, they say, “Would you like to join us?” or some version of “Can I touch you?” Then when they do ask, that is your opportunity. You can say, “Yes, but I have to ask, are you wearing chapstick, I have a severe beeswax allergy.” And carry some sort of baby wipe or make up remover wipe with you (or whatever you use to take it off sufficiently) and ask them if they would mind.
Nobody will think that’s weird. People have personal rules and they are expected to assert them in those environments.
2 OTHER ORGY RULES FOR YOU
Two more pieces of advice:
Don’t get too drunk. You should have one to relax but getting drunk at a sex party is always a big mistake. You are more likely to do something you regret, consent to something you might not be into or worse for you…kiss someone who is wearing chapstick
Don’t take rejection personally. Rejection is part of the territory. You don’t know if you remind someone of their ex, you’re just not their type or you’re too much their type and they don’t want that.
4 TIPS IN DEALING WITH ALLERGIES AND SEX
Open Communication: It’s important to be open and honest about your allergies. Mentioning your allergy to beeswax is a responsible way to ensure any sexual situation is aware of any potential issues.
Before the Date: If possible, you can send a light-hearted text before the date, like, “Hey, looking forward to our date! Just so you know, I’m allergic to beeswax, so if you’re into chapstick, that’s a hard pass in case we hit it off”
During the Date: If the topic of chapstick or kissing comes up naturally, you can use humor to address your allergy during the meet up. Like, “btw, my kisses are allergen-free. Can’t let those sneaky beeswax molecules ruin the romance!”
Carry Medication: Always carry any necessary medication with you, such as an antihistamine or an epinephrine auto-injector (if your allergy is severe). This will help you feel more secure in case of accidental exposure.
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What were the top selling sex toys in 2022?
What were the top selling sex toys in 2022:
Magic Wand Mini: The Magic Wand Mini is a compact and portable version of a wand massager. It is known for its potency and is often used for external clitoral stimulation, providing intense vibrations.
WeVibe Chorus: The WeVibe Chorus is a couple vibrator that provides simultaneous stimulation for both partners during intercourse. It is used internally by the woman, stimulating the G-spot, while also offering external vibrations to the clitoris.
Ohnut Vibrating Ring: The Ohnut Vibrating Ring is a vibrating ring designed to be placed at the base of the penis. It can help maintain a firmer erection and prolong intercourse. In addition, the ring can vibrate, providing additional stimulation for the partner.
Womanizer Starlet 2: The Womanizer Starlet 2 is a clitoral stimulator that uses gentle suction technology to deliver intense pleasure. It stimulates the clitoris without direct contact, offering a unique pleasure experience.
Maude Drop: The Maude Drop is a discreet and elegant vibrator designed for internal and external stimulation. It can be used for G-spot stimulation, clitoral stimulation or any other erogenous area of the body.
Smile Makers The Poet: The Smile Makers The Poet is a classic vibrator with a discreet and elegant design. It can be used for external clitoral stimulation or for internal G-spot stimulation.
Lelo x Diesel Tor 2 Vibrating Ring: The Lelo x Diesel Tor 2 Vibrating Ring is a vibrating cock ring that helps improve erection and prolong sexual intercourse. In addition, the ring has a small extension that can be used for clitoral stimulation.
Fleshlight Blue Ice Blowjob Simulator: The Fleshlight Blue Ice Blowjob Simulator is a male sex toy designed to simulate an oral sex experience. It has a textured interior that mimics the feel of a blowjob.
LELO Sila: The LELO Sila is a clitoral stimulator that uses sonic pulsation technology to provide gentle, deep stimulation. It is designed to wrap around the clitoris and provide intense, pleasurable sensations.
LELO Sona 2: The LELO Sona 2 is another clitoral stimulator that uses sound waves for stimulation without direct contact. It offers intense and precise stimulation of the clitoris, providing powerful orgasms.
Remember that choosing a sex toy is personal and the most important thing is to find something that gives you pleasure and comfort.
These are just a few examples of the most popular sex toys in 2022. The sex toy industry is constantly evolving, so there may be other products that sold a lot during this time as well.