TikTok drama alert! Over the past few days, the world of #MomTok, a niche but popular group of Utah-based, mostly Mormon moms imploded when their de facto ringleader, Taylor Frankie Paul, claimed that she and a group of her besties were swingers. It's a subject matter the TikToker (whose account seems to have been deleted) has joked about before, but it was never clear whether there was truth behind her humor or if she was playing to the (generally false) stereotype of polygamous practices among Mormon communities.

In a TikTok live, Paul decided to address that ambiguity head-on by alleging that she and a group of her friends and their partners have been engaging in "soft swap swinging" but that a boundary was crossed and everything has fallen apart. Names were named then recanted, divorces were announced, and everyone is left wondering what in the hell is actually going on. There's even a whole subreddit dedicated to figuring it out.

What's followed has been a torrent of face-saving posts, explanatory but contradictory live videos, accusations that this entire saga is a made-up ploy to gain views, and no shortage of confusion on what "soft swapping" is - or what upside-down pineapples mean.

No amount of speculation on my part will reveal any new information, and only time will tell whether the story unfolding online right now is real, scripted, or some combination of the two. But as your resident swinger, I can at least provide a little context about what soft swapping really is.

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Introducing our series in partnership with therapy platform Alma. With their network of licensed professionals, we navigate sex and intimacy as it involves mental health and communication.


When a partner says they want to see other people, that doesn’t always entail a breakup. While open relationships may not be the norm for all couples, they have become increasingly common: a 2021 survey conducted by YouGov shows that a quarter of Americans are interested in pursuing an open relationship.

But, actually pursuing one can be complicated — especially if your partner isn’t on the same page as you. Communication is extremely important, both when you’re broaching the subject of opening up the relationship and while you’re maintaining that primary relationship while seeing other people. So, how can you navigate these tricky waters? Here, mental health counselor and psychotherapist Lyndsey Masters shares her expert advice.

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What is dogging?
Dogging is a British slang term of having sex in public while other people watch.

The practice usually occurs in car parks and woodland and frequently involves strangers in an either active or voyeuristic role.

In 2003, the term "dogging" rose to prominence when it was reported that the craze was sweeping the internet as exhibitionists used the web to set up meets.

The practice has spread to other countries, including the US, Canada, Australia, Scandanavia, Barbados and Brazil.

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In the context of swinging, Miranda is what's known as a "unicorn", which is someone who is sexually involved with both people in a couple.

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Ladies, We Need To Talk — Swinging
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"Part of the enjoyment is being that person you know everyone wants — you're a rarity, hence why you're called a unicorn."

Sex and relationships counsellor Christine Priestly says it's a term that's been around for a long time, but has become more popular in the past decade.

When we asked Miranda what she likes about the lifestyle, she says it's the feeling of freedom and community.

"It's hard to think of going back to just sleeping [with] or dating one person," she says........

It had been 15 years since Megan Bhatia had sex with anyone but her husband, Marty.

In 2018, the Bhatias, 38-year-old college sweethearts, were following the prescribed path that sex researchers call the “relationship escalator.” They met at the University of Illinois at Chicago, married in 2004, and bought a house they could scarcely afford in the West Loop. Megan underwent three rounds of IVF in three years to welcome their twins, Kira and Sebastian. After the Bhatias’ jointly-owned real estate business collapsed in the 2008 financial crash, Marty hatched a digital training consultancy but eventually grew disillusioned with the work; Megan was traversing the country as a full-time executive-leadership coach while a nanny logged 50 hours per week watching the twins. Getting married, having children, and striving in corporate careers, the Bhatias “bought into that American dream,” says Megan, now a fresh-faced 42 with long, beachy waves. But the traditional roles of worker, wife, and mother subsumed her: “We shut a lot of ourselves off as we live,” she tells me. “The life that started as a wide-open slate can become this little pinhole.”

Throughout the course of their marriage, Megan and Marty buried the rebel-heartedness that initially bonded them. Marty remembers a traumatic early childhood and his late mother’s alcoholism, and grew up wild and hard-partying. Megan was driven by wanderlust, living in Belgium for a year at 17, then in Spain during a year of college, where she dated men during breaks in her on-and-off premarital relationship with Marty. “I felt so free. I was exploring. I was learning new languages, meeting people,” she recalls. “I felt like everything was possible.” In the years that followed, that unbridled part of her faded into a rarely seen alter ego that she and Marty referred to as “Barcelona Megan.” Both children of divorce, Megan and Marty committed to monogamy, vowing—especially after their children were born—that their marriage would last forever.......